I am sitting on a window ledge. My own window ledge here, in my dorm room, in Loughborough University. It’s a nice nook where I put my books and clothes, and occasionally, sit. My friends have been telling me that I am so lucky to have this ledge… I could sit on it, and watch people walk pass on the pavement below. It could be my creative spot. It could be so many things.
And yet, I rarely use it for creative purposes, ignoring it and dumping clothes on it instead.
And now I feel bad. Because I decided to sit on my window ledge this rainy Tuesday afternoon, and I figured that yes, THIS IS THE SPOT TO BE. And I’ve only had this epiphany now, with only a few more days to sit!
Okay, you should understand that this inner crisis is not only about my window ledge. This is another incarnation of my fear of goodbyes. I hate saying goodbyes more than I hate looming birthdays. My friend told me yesterday that Taurus-eans hate change. And I agreed to that in a second.
I hate change. Why fix something that isn’t broken? Sometimes, though, change is inevitable. Like now. I am in love with this place, with UK, with Loughborough University, with my classmates, my dorm room, my window ledge. And the realisation of the fact that I will have to say goodbye to all of that just crushes me. This was not supposed so be shocking, we knew it’d be difficult to go back, but counting down the days is just painful.
It seems that I freak out on this blog a lot. Please be assured that I have better days too, I just write about my freak-outs much more than I do my happy moments.
Anyways. Now I am stuck in this window ledge, and I refuse to budge, even just to grab my cellphone. The sky is turning from a cold, 25% K (that’s light-grey in CMYK talk), to a muted wash of a bluish ashen colour. I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m just rambling.
I spotted a tiny bird on the opposite building. Birds in here are marvelous. They are fat and chubby and big, just like the dogs you see on the streets. I see people riding bikes on the small path below.
It’s wet and it’s still raining and I really don’t want to leave this place.
